my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
