I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Duck Duck Cougar?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
