Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
