so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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