She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
