Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
