D3 body, D1 cock
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
