why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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