I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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