I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
