Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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