Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
