I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
