Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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