i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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