Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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