Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
