I heard we made out
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
