youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
