why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
