It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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