i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
