You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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