Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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