PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
