thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
