is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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