I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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