and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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