omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
