Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
