i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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