My Higher Power is John Stamos
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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