I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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