i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
