I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
