I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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