do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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