i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
