a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
