Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
