chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
