I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
