They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
