well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
