Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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