We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
