it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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