you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
