that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
