there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
