I want to have your abortion
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
