yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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