the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
