I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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