This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
